I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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