Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
