I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So many bounce houses so little time
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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