I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
