I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
