I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
