so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize