it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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