Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
