i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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