Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
