What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
