I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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