how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
