You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
