ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i now understand why vodka
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
