Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
