apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
