Whod you bang
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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