when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize