i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
