i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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