also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
