I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
