turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
