I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
