he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
