Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
