Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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