Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
