So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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