I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
