I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
