before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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