there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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