I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i will never coherently bang her
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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