this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
