I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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