I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
