I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
