It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
