Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
