I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
