I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
