I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
