Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
