the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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