I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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