Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
