what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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