I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
