I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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