so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
