Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
