So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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