Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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