the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
