I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
