I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
