he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize