Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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