You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
