Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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