you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
