i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
